Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
