god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
