Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
