Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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