just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
a search helicopter?!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
