i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
