and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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