i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
