I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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