Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
