i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
