you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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