just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
