i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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