**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
