Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
