I have demons in me.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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