My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
