awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is Oprah even human
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
