I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
