Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
