I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
