Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
