his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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