allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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