I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I can text with my tongue
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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