im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
