PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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