i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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