So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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