chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
