I murdered the dance floor call the cops
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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