i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
