did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
