sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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