Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.