Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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