HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
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Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?