Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though