She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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