You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
