So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
