Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
