I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize