I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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