Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
