She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
