Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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