definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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