i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
