Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
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