He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
