What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
