Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
