Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
