i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
