Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
