My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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