Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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