i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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