Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
