I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Randomize
