Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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