Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
