I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
