my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
