I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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