I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
