Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
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If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize