your room smells of hookers.
And success
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
