I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
