i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
so much tequila, so little girl.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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