He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
His hands were made for my vagina.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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