Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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