Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I want to fling myself into the sun
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
