Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
