shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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