Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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