Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
