remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
