Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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